well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
