my mouth tastes like poor choices
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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