I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
