So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
