cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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