yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
