You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
