I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Did I show you my penis last night?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
