somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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