It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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