i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
