I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
