your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
