drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
