I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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