so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
