Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
