Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
