apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
