Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
