So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
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Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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