So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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