ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
