Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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