Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
