So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
