Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
