she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
