Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
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I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
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I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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