you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
