I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
