3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
