If that was your dad, he is hot
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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