Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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