Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
