I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
