he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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