Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
