I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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