You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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