Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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