It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
