She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
