We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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