those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
