He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
