She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
