why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
ttyl tear gas
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
