...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
