the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
