Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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