It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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