I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
