Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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