I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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