I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
