They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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