do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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