I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
