i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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