Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Boobs are out for the taking
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
