It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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