CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
