my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
