There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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