if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
