Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
