So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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