I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
