Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
