I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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