dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
