So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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