walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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