Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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