i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
