I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
