You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
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Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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