JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
