I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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