THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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