battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
