I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
