Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
