he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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